Somewhere in a little house
On the plains and greens that surround you
Under a blue sky
I wander and wait
My heart in a cloth bag
I drag along behind me
Along these lonely streets
Somewhere
There is a door that will open
And I will find you
Looking for me
You scare me.
Not because you are going to fast, or because of the scary lecture that you gave me some nights ago.
You scare me because it would be so easy to just let go.
To trust that this will not end without a good reason, that you wont ever see me like I do, that you wont wake up one morning and wonder why there is a child sleeping in the bed next to you, instead of a grown up.
To let you become my life completely and be deliriously happy when we meet after work (or whatever I would call it then) and know that there is no other place that either of us would want to be.
To know that this is real.
Not a foolish whim, or a another way to find what you had been looking for for years and have suddenly found, in someone that may not interest you once you've made up for what you had lost.
I know, that if fell in love with you, it would be the kind of love that scares me when I see it in other people. That repulses me in movies and songs and the old couple snuggling on a park bench. All consuming. Overwhelming. The kind of love you could drown in if you arent careful.
So I have to be careful.
I could live inside you so easily baby, without thinking or noticing I had moved. Without regretting anything that I would have left behind. Because I would have you.
You scare me because if I came to depend on what I sometimes see in your eyes now, I would die if you stopped looking at me like that.
No, not die. You cant die of a broken heart.
You can only pine for a lifetime, curled up in a backalley of your mind, begging passing shadows to have mercy and kick you to death. Living on the memory of a kiss you shared years ago.
So im scared. Not conflicted, not unsure, not averse to changing my facebook status without being asked. Just scared.
That i will love you like a foolish child, and you will love me like a dignified adult.
