Ramble, Bramble, Amble, Scramble

So seriously, what is love?

I'm sorry to go all Sophie's Choice, but there is nothing like pretending to be in love to make you all Philosophical. Everyone needs something, and so love is a different creature for everyone. A person that meets your needs, is someone who loves you. A touch cold, but oh, so painfully true.

Compatibility, a word that is often frowned upon because of its non romantic connotations and general remove from the fire and brimstone passion that relationships should have. (That's the other thing, which idiot decided that love should be all about spontaneity and heart over head? It makes for disaster. To love someone with your heart, I have realised is easy. I mean seriously, what does a heart know? Its all gushing, throbbing, pumping mindlessness, and yet we let it make such important decisions for us?) But without compatibility you will end up hurt and alone and completely alienated from the person you have now formed such a massive connection to, and even worse, completely alienated from yourself. You will open your eyes one day, and not recognise yourself. In the mission to achieve harmony with the one that you have chosen you have sacrificed things that were sacred, things that were you, and you did in the name of love and faith and forever. You will open your eyes feel incredibly silly, because now all that you had given up in love is now the ammunition that makes you unworthy.

I am ashamed to say that I never gave romantic relationships the credit they were due, and treated people whose relationships dominated, dictated and devastated their lives with much disdain and mockery. I never realised what a monumental amount of effort a relationship takes to succeed, no forget succeed, what it takes just to make one not-unhappy. Not happy, just not-unhappy. I suppose until now my relationships were background noise. I never considered them more and certainly treated them as less. So I never understood what took. I am now mired in so much.... quicksand. There are so many things that can go wrong that must be thought about and considered. And having now decided that I will be me no matter what, its like starting a new relationship, but one already bogged down with baggage. How do you people do more than one of these in a lifetime?