All Hail the Prophet that Was
"Just scared.
That i will love you like a foolish child, and you will love me like a dignified adult."
Anger, thats what i feel. No. No not anger, rage. Blind, murderous, cannibalistic, all consuming, screaming, punching, kicking, biting Rage. God the stupidity. I knew, I always knew that no matter what he said, he would never love me like I could love him. He would never want me like I could want him. And I told him, I told him I was scared that I was too young, and he needed someone whose heart was less prone to absolutes of emotion. I suppose that was s stupid thing to say. You make something horrible sound beautiful enough and anyone will want it.
But he swore. He swore that he was not going to be the kind that disappeared on me, that the fatigue of living three and half decades would not destroy his ability to love me and want me and like the stupid, naieve little fool that I was I believed him.
And now...
I am alone. With a man who doesnt understand me and doesnt want to. All he wants is to live out his life in peace. Peace? Fuck peace.
I want LIFE not life. I want passion and sex and madness and desperation and awe that I can reach out and touch someone so incredible.
He's already had it you see. He's done and now he just doesnt need it anymore.
God I am a fool. Of all the people to not listen to, I picked me.
And now...
Now...
Now I have nothing to say.
11 comments:
Maybe what you're looking for doesn't exist.
Maybe all there is, is the coldness of comfort, and the warmth of a dog sitting on your feet.
Maybe he just sucks at showing you that he loves you.
Don't throw away something that you have in the hope of finding something that might not even exist. 'Cept in books, of course, which is where is probably always was, and was never not.
Of course, I'm the cynical non believing bastard I always thought I was, so you might not want to pay too much attention to what I say.
well written.
Fyg: You said it... Though I'm not sure what it is.
Anon: Thank you gentle stranger, you are most kind.
Cynicism won't do it. Action, not words?
Renovatio: Honestly, there just wasnt anything I could say or do..
Aj: Umm.... okay.
Let go.
It's OK to be hurt.
Nietzsche is always right. It'll make you stronger.
amazing to read..u somehow managed to say just the things tat hv been bothering me for a while- different situation but similar feeling!!
amazing to read..u somehow managed to say just the things tat hv been bothering me for a while- different situation but similar feeling!!
Anonymous: Thank you very much, not only for the kind words, but also for feeling strongly enough to say them twice!
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