"... crazy"

You scare me.

Not because you are going to fast, or because of the scary lecture that you gave me some nights ago.

You scare me because it would be so easy to just let go.

To trust that this will not end without a good reason, that you wont ever see me like I do, that you wont wake up one morning and wonder why there is a child sleeping in the bed next to you, instead of a grown up.

To let you become my life completely and be deliriously happy when we meet after work (or whatever I would call it then) and know that there is no other place that either of us would want to be.

To know that this is real.

Not a foolish whim, or a another way to find what you had been looking for for years and have suddenly found, in someone that may not interest you once you've made up for what you had lost.

I know, that if fell in love with you, it would be the kind of love that scares me when I see it in other people. That repulses me in movies and songs and the old couple snuggling on a park bench. All consuming. Overwhelming. The kind of love you could drown in if you arent careful.

So I have to be careful.

I could live inside you so easily baby, without thinking or noticing I had moved. Without regretting anything that I would have left behind. Because I would have you.

You scare me because if I came to depend on what I sometimes see in your eyes now, I would die if you stopped looking at me like that.

No, not die. You cant die of a broken heart.

You can only pine for a lifetime, curled up in a backalley of your mind, begging passing shadows to have mercy and kick you to death. Living on the memory of a kiss you shared years ago.

So im scared. Not conflicted, not unsure, not averse to changing my facebook status without being asked. Just scared.

That i will love you like a foolish child, and you will love me like a dignified adult.

The Dave Matthews Song Man

Can't see the light

Open up my head and let me out, little baby

'Cause here we have been standing for a long, long time

Treading trodden trails for a long, long time

So much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say

So much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say

...and yet we say nothing. To each other. Everyone I speak to about you will comment, on the redness of my cheeks, the brighness of my eyes, the laughter that fast becomes incessant.

Crazy how it feels tonight

Crush me with the things you do

Sitting smoking feeling high

And in this moment it feels so right

Im smiling, but I dont know why. Perhaps, I have to wait for you to tell me to stop.

Rain on me in my dream,

and time drives my mind

oh Im not safe

and no one can save you

for some reason talk to me

I talk to you, I talk to myself

talk to someone else

Something to get lost in, a gallery of protraits that runs endlessly. Each face in it strikes a chord. You remember something else, and it makes you laugh and look eagerly at the next painting on the wall.

And now our finest hour arrives,

See the pig dressed in his finest fine

And all the believers stand behind him and smile

And the day lights up with fire

Let me in

Let me in

I stopped feeling crazed, betrayed

Out on my window ledge

How much do you have to touch a persons mind before you can touch their bodies?

I fall so hard inside the idea of you

That's why with you I can't say what I mean

Wanna stay but I think

God get me outta here

I fall so hard inside the idea of you

Perspective

Across a table on the deck of his ship, Davy Jones and I sized each other up. We werent enemies in the strictest sense, too detached really to hate each other. We didnt need to meet but we were here, bored and curious, seeking a way to distract ourselves from the burdens that we carried.

He grasped the dice that lay between us with a hand that was withered and mottled and encrusted with decay. The dice rolled and we watched, again without much interest, and only a hint of concentration.

"I would give anything to be you"

The words surprised him. He looked into my eyes and he could see I meant it. Behind me he watched my home, spread out over a vast piece of land, he glanced at the jewellry that encircled my wrists and glinted at my ears. His eyes wandered over my body, young and healthy, smooth skin and tight muscles, pleasingly shaped. My feet, that could walk on land or on the decks of ships at sea whenever and wherever I chose, were what held his gaze. He did not understand.

I brought his hand to my chest, and held it over my heart. My heart, that screamed with every beat. My heart that was withered with pain, mottled with anguish and encrusted with longing, my blasted heart that wouldnt die of the deep wounds it bled from.

"My heart cannot be cut out and left on a beach, alone in its anguish, in puinishment of its betrayal, away from me."

The wind picked up, singing a sad song in mockery of our loving.

"I would give anything to be you"

Stand by Your Man

Have you ever felt constraind by the laws of society?

I used have the perfect man, for me. Yes I know, its hard to say that at 22 and mean it, espeacially since I had him when I was 16, but truly, I have never met anyone who was so suited to me. It was like taking two halves of a mind and joining it together. Finding the person who knew the joke you were going to make up, because they were making it up too. There was a lot of laughter back then. A LOT of laughter.

But (yes that was coming obviously)

Though our minds fit, and our personalities fit, and we really knew each other, I found myself forever reluctant to leap into what I think would have been an awesum twosome. The reason? We are not a perfect fit, in the material sense. The real world is a wall that we could not cross, the bonds of societies ever watching gaze kept us from commiting.

Oh fine, Ill be clear.

He's short and runty and Im tall and un-runty.

I know I know, this is shallow and mean spirited, but which gurl doesnt want that? We all grow up with pictures in our heads, and this boy, no matter how much he made me laugh and understood me, never figured in that picture. He just couldnt be that guy.

Of course that isnt the only reason why this didnt work out, for those reasons youll have to go to his blog and no Im not linking, but in the many many years since we were not together, when we have both been alone and in touch and laughing together, I never once took that step, or even considered taking it.

A gurl just shouldnt have to bend to kiss her man.