Promiscuity.
Did anyone think of a man?
Technically, men cant be promiscuous. They get lucky. They're studs. Theyre obvioulsy good in bed. Apart from some mild disapproval over not treating women well, its perfectly alright for men to sleep around. Its even a desirable quality.
Translate that into a woman? Slut, Whore, Easy. And the sad part is its so deeply ingrained in our minds. I have used those very words for women who I feel enjoy sex and are not ashamed to proclaim it. A woman who has multiple lovers, or decides she likes random sex and sleeps (safely) with a different man every night has no reputation very soon. Even the men she sleeps with will not see her as anything other than easy. A woman to be used for her body.
My fathers family is from the Mathur stock of Chandni Chowk. We prize good marriages above all else, and sell our daughters hymens in glass diplay cases from our lavishly decorated sitting rooms, over cups of expensive tea and pasrties from the Oberoi.
I dont have a hymen to sell. (I regret it often, sure, but not because Ive lost the chance to marry a man that couldnt see beyond my virginity). In my family Im a disgrace. My sisters have both made 'good' marriages, hymen righteously and traditionaly taken care of by their chosen husbands. A good marriage such as this is out of the question for me. Im a sexually active 21 year old, and in view of my past im sure to have numerous reltionships in the future. Can I avoid being labeled a whore?
Have you ever looked at a promiscuous woman and thought ruefully, well at least she treats the men she sleeps with well? Why do men get to be the victors in random sex? Why cant the women be the ones who use them for simple sexual gratification, and gloat in the afterglow of another conquest without being judged loose?
I know that will be my fate. It is already. In India a woman without a husband, a woman who isnt even looking for one, has no place in our society. A man I was sleeping with, one who claimed quite vehemently to love me, recently told me that his friend was seeing a decent gurl, and she was making his life miserable. A decent gurl? I queried inocently, whats that?
Oh you know, she wont have sex until she gets married.
He might in fact love me, but he thinks Im indecent. I guess he loves me despite my failings hmm?
29 comments:
You've taken this arguement back to Chaucer, and very well indeed. Yes, I know what you mean. very horrible. a little unrelated, was reading Arthur Miller's Crucible, and was surprised how such old fashion of witch-hunting still exists. pity...
As I wrote somewhere on this blog itself-some men are such assholes indeed. lord. sometimes, i just feel like throwing all these random sexist theories and the people who preach them out the universe. no, really, all the time, actually. it is such an unfair world. i hate being a woman, times like these, when being a woman should be a gift.
commander: whatever label you sport in your locality, at least it's helping your typing. You still misspelt 'pastries', though.
the problem is with sex. If the world got more comfortable with sex in general, we'd stop hiding the fact that we have it and enjoying having it.
It appears you're from India. It could be that the local mindset is furthering the rot. Yet I'm sure you can find men there who don't think like the one you mentioned. Choice of company is always to be scrutinized. If you can stop actively including in your life people who think in a way that bothers you, you'd have taken the first and possibly the only possible step towards a better situation.
jerry: this is not about literature. what post were you reading?
aaki: don't be sexist. it makes non-sexist people mad.
gaimon: this kind of sexist is a wee bit fairer. and why should it offend your sensibilities if you know youre in the right?
aaki: that would be like asking why it would bother me that you were plotting to bomb some poor city's public transport when I wasn't a part of the plot. There are other people doing stuff that we might not approve of, but joining them is certainly not the solution. it would be condoning it, an endorsement.
gaimon: i said "some men", it wasn't a generalisation. i didn't mean moderate people like you. and yes, this'll never end. before mish disables my ability to comment here (cause this is beta blogger, and she can restrict her blogviews :P) i'd say peace.
Jerry: What I loved best about The Crucible, was how a pedophile was the hero, that we all sympathised with.
Aaki: They are not really. I dont think he even undertood what he said, or has understood it yet. Thats what his mother taught him. And as much as he cares about me now, I have no doubt he'll grow up (he is a few years younger than I am) and marry the nice virgin his mummie picks out fer him.
Gaimon: The problem is not with sex. Thats just how it manifests.
If I need advice I can assure you thre are numerous Agony Aunt Columms I can apply to, you have neither the talent nor it seems the perception to be dishing out as you do.
Just tell me how good the post read andmove along!
Oh well, strangely, but it was this post I was reading. I said the argument relates similar to Chaucer’s – Wife of Bath, to be more precise – in its own way of course. I thought you would understand, honestly. And very well gaimon, I respect your opinion on the choice of company. Well of course; yes, she’s from India that is unfortunately recovering from being long dictated by heterodoxy poured hot through its veins. The society still embodies them (and yes not all, but can you switch-oblivious to an entire society in all?)... You do come across it, everywhere. When you do, you write about it, and the trick of such is that it hides well in people (cause they aren't in-your-face backward, in case you perceive it this way) – you see it in moments and situations. When you do come across it, you are perturbed at the least. best of luck...
Yes, loved it...terribly sorry for crowding your space...cheers!
Thats ok J, Gaimon loves picking fights. You shouldnt indulge quite so much, he'll be spoiled rotten and clutter my comment space even more.
it seems everyone is nice nowadays and don't indulge a random monster looking for a fight. tsk tsk. except commander, of course. but then what else would you expect with a screen name like that.
so, commander: you write a blog because you like to air your thoughts in public. you have enabled random comments so that monsters on the prowl get access to this forum. no one writes only to have their skill with words commented on. the content serves a purpose, and is more often what makes a piece of written work. all this leads to the conclusion that you cannot be expecting nor desiring comments only on your writing skill. if you wanted these open-ended questions tossed up for no purpose, you'd write in a personal diary or something that wasn't for everyone to read. therefore, commander, if you don't want people peeking into your living room and commenting on your coffee table and the stains on the carpet, draw the curtains.
aaki and jerry: show me where to sign the peace treaty. I'll be back at you guys when commander posts next. that is, if she doesn't take my advice above. now, please excuse the monster to resume duel with commander... that is, if she can come up with an argument at all.
You were kinda rude on the phone to me that day...
undead! so good to see you here. commander is rude on her blog as well, so you shouldn't take it personally. yet, I think there's no point in you trying to exist, because you still haven't figured out the ellipse. just die.
Gaimon: I recently had to deal with a number of young children. You remind so much of them, that Im tempted to hand you a lollipop and tell you to go home to mommie.
You obviously expect me to come up with an arguement or you would have chosen some other blog to squat in. Lets drop the petty, high school insults shall we?
Im sure youve noticed the difference between a comment and unsolicited advice? If not pray study the language we converse in with greater concentration. Im sure you'll see the difference, you seem to be an averagely IQed guy.
You seem to be a person that loves jumping to conclusions. Please, tell me why I cant have a blog just to be flattered? Since you dont have a blog at all, your opinion or in this matter conclusion is laughable. Bordering on hilarious.
Madhu: I tend to find people who call other people and insist they guess who they are terribly rude as well.
However I didnt mean to hurt your feelings. Ignore Gaimon if he bothers you so much.
Allo M. Long time, eh wot?
I see you come right out with it, and addressed the issue on everyone's minds...
...most of the time, at any rate.
(I blog at wordpress now. It was the categories that did me in.)
Ello yo!
Nice to see you again.
Thank you, I try!
(Isnt beta enough of a lure to get you back? It really is quite awesum! Whats your wordpress url? Ive missed reading you, updated quither any?)
unrelated--i see chayan informs me that i must go attend this open house performance by anirudh nair, misha singh and the hindu college dramsoc on the 29th. :) chayan is in my western music soc, so well. how is this such a small world? :) and gaimon, don't tell me i don't know what post it is. i know that perfectly well.
Haahahah aaki youre right. Crazily small world. I hope you are coming, its an awesum show even if I do say so myself.
yatta! finally someone bit! and what a catch! look who was paying attention in biology class. undead, after demonstrating your punctuation skills, you are exhibiting your extensive vocabulary. we won't comment on the maturity. I am greatly indebted to you for allowing me to fight with at least one person on this blog. I'd give you personal lessons in punctuation in return, but instead I think I'll just punch you senseless. *punches senseless*
commander: I love lollipops! May I pick the flavor? monsters don't go home to parents, they lurk around looking for fights. I failed to see the petty, high school insults. perhaps it has something to do with my inability to relate to people with too much time and vanity. monsters don't blog either. they pick at easily irritable people and attempt to spoil at least five minutes of their day. you and your undead friend do indulge me!
aaki: you, on the other hand, pick up quickly. don't worry, we've got the peace accord for this post.
Gaimon: oh sorrie youre a monster are you? How quaint. An itty-bitty green one?
Slimy too, ignored the entire issue of the comment verus the advice, but its ok. I understand, too complicated a concept?
Sadly you should find something else to live for. Conversing with simpletins is actually a great pleasure, and you have been a delight in this respect.
Being busy and ugly isnt something to be terriby proud of. Youre a bore Gaimon, hiding behind youre imaginary nature. Come out and ply or go lurk somewhere else.
oh man, will this keep going on and on, this nit-picking?...or should I return after few years...
bwahahahaha Gaimon ad i have been doing this fer a while. We're good at it. its fun too.
We're actually freinds. its not serious.
Wanna try??
commander: ignoring matter is not as sneaky as imagining up things and using them in pitched battles.
are all monsters green? haven't your parents graduated you from fairy tales at bedtime? and you spelt simpleton wrong... *has hearty monstrous laugh*
vanity has nothing to do with beauty. and monsters will not be told how to better spend their time. monsters are more fun than you psuedo literary fools.
is that enough 'plying' for you?
jerry: yes, after a few years would be good. when you've read some more books to draw analogies of these battles to.
ps - did we sign a peace accord for this post? we can fight on the next one if you so prefer. I'm a very accomodating monster.
No youre right, it isnt sneaky its rather pathetic. My bad!
No they arent, except for the green ones, which are in fact all green. I merely asked a question, i did not make a statement. Go learn the difference between those two now.
This isnt isnt a spelling bee kiddo. You may spell things as you like as well. Go on, dnt be afraid.
The monster should quit being such a drama queen. Diva fits should really be done in the privacy of your own pshyche.
Not really. U ignored the issue once again. but like i said, its ok.
(no more comments here. i hate going back to old posts)
this 'whore hypocrisy' is typical of every society. pity. still at least in this city i'm free to explore my boundaries to the extent i can fathom without the fear of attracting any opprobrium. besides with age you develop greater and greater numbnes to other people's opinions. as for the man who insinuated that you're indecent for not possessing an intact hymen, leave him be. slugs as exemplified by him deserve neither time of day nor a moment's worth of thought. sadly this means the playing field is greatly reduced, far too many men like that twerp out there.
c'est la vie.
Gaimon you suck...but your mommas sweet...and you can dream on about punching me senseless...I know I havent been around while you were growing up...I have been enjoying other women instead of being a father to you...I am truly sorry...but your momma was too sweet that night...aaah...I hear you even look like me...My boy...I think you should grow up and become a man like your father...and start getting a real life instead of living through these internet exchanges...Are you still a virgin?...Get laid son...If you want I can hook you up with some nice women I have tried...what do you say son??...
My new blog is here.
I haven't done a quither post in ages, but check if you read the last one. All neatly categorized...
I love this undead guy! undead, you obviously don't know much about monsters. I would recommend reading, but you're unlikely to understand. I, on the other hand, know all about your unfortunate life. yes, REAL life, not just the Internet. How old are you, you loser? The only woman you might have had, if you were lucky, is your own mother, coz you've been living under her care all your life. I would recommend you go off the 'net for good, because I don't think you can afford it on your joke of a salary. The reason why I keep telling you die is that I don't think a life like yours is worth living. Do it already.
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